While on the phone with a friend (who is also a mom) the other day, I got to overhear the following conversation between her and her child, whom we will call Silly Girl to protect her boogery identity.
"Silly Girl-is that a booger on your finger?"
"Nope."
"Well, why don't you go get a tissue or a piece of toilet paper to wipe whatever it is off."
"Nope."
"well, what are you going to do with it?"
Silence
"Don't wipe it on me."
Silence
"did you just wipe it on the couch?"
Silence
"Did you wipe it on the rug?"
Silence
"what did you do with it?"
Silly Girl smiles...
Motherhood---glam-or-ous!
So, the other day, I took the kids to get their hairs cut. I had all four, but only two of them needed cuts this time. We got there and there was no wait, which was great. Ok, I thought, this will be quick and easy, and as soon as I had that thought, it was as if one of my children (who shall remain nameless) read my mind and decided to quickly turn my silly plan upside down in a hurry. When I say that the next 30 minutes were complete and utter torture, I am not exagerrating. Said child proceeded to scream (in the loudest and most obnoxious way possible) to the point that the women who worked at the place were starting to wonder if said child was possessed. Siad child then decided to touch everything and run around the place like a loon...throwing train tracks off the train table, opening bottles (yes, plural) of nail polish and spilling them, getting it on clothes, picking up a bottle of shampoo and then WALKING OUT THE DOOR of the place into the parking lot. I was watching said child so I watched the child do this and when he/she looked back, he/she knew I was less than pleased (read PISSED BEYOND BELIEF). All this because this child wanted a haircut too. I told this child that he/she could sit in the chair and get his/her hair sprayed and combed, etc too, but he/she freaked out more...wanted no part of that....UNTIL, we got in the car to leave and he/she realized that offer was off the table...
I love my children beyond belief, but this 30 minute time span was complete torture.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Migraine anyone?
So, I think I have finally figured out why our kids like to bang their heads against the walls. They are trying ever so cleverly to self induce a migraine so they can see if the migraine in fact really warrants all the drama that we (the parents who get them) say it does.
Well, kids, since I can see you have not successfully self induced a migraine yet (since you are still moving, functioning, and making a lot of noise), let me help you get the idea.
One-Imagine your head is a tire. Say it is supposed to be inflated to 30 psi normally, well, go ahead and inflate it to 40 psi instead. That ought to give you a nice head start as to how this will feel.
Two-Get a bunch of big rocks. Imagine someone is picking them up and throwing them at your head, from about an inch away.
Three-Close your eyes as tight as you can. See how dark that is? Well, guess what, not dark enough.
Four-Imagine your head (but no other part of your body) is about 20 degrees higher in temperature than it should be.
And five- In your best four year old high pitched scream, yell loudly over and over again so that your ears ring and your head nears explosion.
Your head is throbbing, sweating, and you generally want to crawl into a cave and hibernate in complete and utter silence and darkness.
OK, now that I have created a good picture, I hope that will clear some things up for you.
I used to get migraines a lot when I lived in Texas and, let me note, I do not find this coincidental. In any event, my initial drug of choice was a bag of M+M's and a can of cold coke while lying on a cold floor in complete darkness. Sounds fun, huh? It used to work. But when that trick stopped working, I actually went to a doctor and got a prescription for a little magic pill that would dull the migraines when I got them.
When I moved back to New England, my migraines pretty much stopped. Not a coincidence. Anyway, for the first time in years, I am now the lucky winner of what is going on a 3 day migraine. It is unbearable. I have taken drugs, drank caffeine, taken to my bed in complete darkness, and nothing is touching it.
Please, oh gods of migraine healing, please come and taketh this away. I am begging you....
Well, kids, since I can see you have not successfully self induced a migraine yet (since you are still moving, functioning, and making a lot of noise), let me help you get the idea.
One-Imagine your head is a tire. Say it is supposed to be inflated to 30 psi normally, well, go ahead and inflate it to 40 psi instead. That ought to give you a nice head start as to how this will feel.
Two-Get a bunch of big rocks. Imagine someone is picking them up and throwing them at your head, from about an inch away.
Three-Close your eyes as tight as you can. See how dark that is? Well, guess what, not dark enough.
Four-Imagine your head (but no other part of your body) is about 20 degrees higher in temperature than it should be.
And five- In your best four year old high pitched scream, yell loudly over and over again so that your ears ring and your head nears explosion.
Your head is throbbing, sweating, and you generally want to crawl into a cave and hibernate in complete and utter silence and darkness.
OK, now that I have created a good picture, I hope that will clear some things up for you.
I used to get migraines a lot when I lived in Texas and, let me note, I do not find this coincidental. In any event, my initial drug of choice was a bag of M+M's and a can of cold coke while lying on a cold floor in complete darkness. Sounds fun, huh? It used to work. But when that trick stopped working, I actually went to a doctor and got a prescription for a little magic pill that would dull the migraines when I got them.
When I moved back to New England, my migraines pretty much stopped. Not a coincidence. Anyway, for the first time in years, I am now the lucky winner of what is going on a 3 day migraine. It is unbearable. I have taken drugs, drank caffeine, taken to my bed in complete darkness, and nothing is touching it.
Please, oh gods of migraine healing, please come and taketh this away. I am begging you....
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Yes, I am a slacker
and have not been posting as often as I once envisioned. Allow me to elaborate on some of the reasons! Buckle up, some of these reasons are downright ugly, but don't worry, most are just funny! This is going to be a stream of consciousness type of post...here we go
Easter brunch--all in all, it went well for brunch with four small kids. But let me start by saying the restaurant first seated us literally two rooms away from the buffet. I understand they wanted to seclude us so to speak, but we also need to be near the food!!! I mean really, what were they thinking? Anyway, we asked and they moved us graciously. The food was good but I estimate that we got up to get food at least 30 times. Not kidding.
The amount of time spent plunging toilets, wiping asses, cleaning dirty underwear--disproportionate to the amount of time I spend on my own personal hygiene...and if you live near me and see me on a regular basis, I am sure you will agree.
Discipline--Disciplining children sucks and when you have to discipline several at once, but NOT all four, things can get quite hairy. Me no like. I hate the tactics I have come to use, but you gotta get them where it hurts, and in the case of my kids, it is the stuffies they snuggle at night. Needless to say, I see a lot of nights without those oh so special stuffies ahead. Granted, taking one away seems silly when they all have about a thousand on their beds, but they do have clear favorites, so I know what to take to make it hurt! The non-listening whiny behavior has got to stop. Oh yea, and the kids need to stop it too!
OK, this post is not really all that funny or entertaining I am realizing, so I will post and move on....gotta give my audience something.
Easter brunch--all in all, it went well for brunch with four small kids. But let me start by saying the restaurant first seated us literally two rooms away from the buffet. I understand they wanted to seclude us so to speak, but we also need to be near the food!!! I mean really, what were they thinking? Anyway, we asked and they moved us graciously. The food was good but I estimate that we got up to get food at least 30 times. Not kidding.
The amount of time spent plunging toilets, wiping asses, cleaning dirty underwear--disproportionate to the amount of time I spend on my own personal hygiene...and if you live near me and see me on a regular basis, I am sure you will agree.
Discipline--Disciplining children sucks and when you have to discipline several at once, but NOT all four, things can get quite hairy. Me no like. I hate the tactics I have come to use, but you gotta get them where it hurts, and in the case of my kids, it is the stuffies they snuggle at night. Needless to say, I see a lot of nights without those oh so special stuffies ahead. Granted, taking one away seems silly when they all have about a thousand on their beds, but they do have clear favorites, so I know what to take to make it hurt! The non-listening whiny behavior has got to stop. Oh yea, and the kids need to stop it too!
OK, this post is not really all that funny or entertaining I am realizing, so I will post and move on....gotta give my audience something.
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